


listen (before I go)

by Missmadhatter96



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternative Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, Multi, OP Ichigo, Open Ending, Post Winter War, Sick Character, Sick Ichigo, ichigo has known shiro was Zangetsu from the start, post quincy war, this is fiction k? I just googled some things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missmadhatter96/pseuds/Missmadhatter96
Summary: It started small, like most things. Then it grew and grew.. What was he suppose to do now?No-beta. Phone fic. M for language. I’m not a doctor I just googled some shit. It’s not accurate but it’s just fiction.(Edit made 11-21-20)
Relationships: Hollow Ichigo & Kurosaki Ichigo & Zangetsu, Implied Kurosaki Ichigo/Kuchiki Rukia/Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo & Kurosaki Karin & Kurosaki Yuzu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	listen (before I go)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Billie Eilish’s song listen before i go.
> 
> Hi there! Thanks for checking out this story :) first off I want to say this is sad and hurty. The song reminded me of my grandma who passed at the beginning of 2019 so I just wanted to write sick!ichigo. And like the summary said: not a doctor or medical person. Just thought up things but I did google some things.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> (Did some thinking and I changed one part of the story. Which now that I look at I like a lot better lol random idea came to me while watching youtube and I just had to fix a part I hated since I wrote this.. hope you all are well :)

It started as a headache at the base of his skull at age twelve. Slowly making its way to his eye sockets and back again at thirteen. Doctors examined his brain multiple times. Nothing appeared on the cat scans. Lab results showed nothing amiss...

Now sixteen and pretty much a war veteran already, Ichigo sat on his bed, headache mostly on his left side today. Reader glasses slid down his nose, thoughts elsewhere but on the math book in his lap.

A sharp stabbing pain hit his eye making him wince, reaching for the pain pills on his nightstand table. He swallowed two dry putting the bottle back, rubbing his temple.

 ** _“Should rest yer eyes for a bit, King_.”** Zangetsus distinct echoy voice rang throughout his inner world. It was probably storming in there with this monster migraine.

Ichigo hmmed in agreement. His eye was burning now but least he got some of his homework done before the pain grew worse like it always did.

  
-

Two years later and Ichigo had fought and beat the Qunicys along side his friends and allied ex Espada. His mind blank during most of the fighting thanks to his condition. His friends pushed back the enemy’s when he really couldn’t move his head an inch without groaning in pain.

But they had won. That’s all that mattered.

Everyone came out okay expect for some bumps and bruises. Ichigo himself was a lot worse than he looked, his instant regeneration took care of the more extreme injuries. Never once did his migraines heal during the process.

  
-

“E-excuse me?” Ichigo thought for sure he heard wrong. That couldn’t be!? They had done so many scans all throughout his teens.

The doctor looked like this caused him a great deal of pain to deliver to someone so young. “You have a brain tumor. Unfortunately...it has grown so big there’s nothing we can do. I’m so very sorry, Kurosaki-san.”

Oh. So he had heard right. His body turned to ice. Numbness spreading like a wildfire in the summer.

“Kurosaki-san?” The doctor called in worry. All Ichigo could hear was static, like an old TV stuck on with nothing to play.

He felt cold.  
  


-

Ichigo looked down at the city lights in confusion. When did he leave the doctors? Where was his body and why was it so cold?

Gods... he was gonna die? He laughed under his breath, soon turning to hysterical sobs until he felt cold arms snake around his waist, a white blurry blob resting on his shoulder.

“Z-Zangetsu... I d-don’t wanna die!” He cried even harder, turning in his hollow zanpaktous hold.

“Shhh, shhh.” Zangetsu rocked them side to side petting his wielders hair in comfort. Silent tears running from his golden eyes in a sea of ink.

Ichigo went limp in his hold from exhaustion, easily lifting him bridal style and sonidoing back to his childhood home instead of his apartment. He needed to be with his family.

..

Ichigo groaned in his restless sleep, hands fisting the sheets and tugging every few moments. Zangetsu stood watch over his King. He could feel his pain too... and what hurt the most was knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to alleviate some of his Kings suffering.

His eyes darted to the door, seeing Karins dark head of hair pop in, thankfully closing the door with little sound as possible. She made her way to his side and wrapped her arms around his waist, whispering, “How’s he doing?”

Zangetsu held her close, rubbing a hand up and down her back in soothing strokes. “He’s in pain again. I forgot he needs his pills back at our place...”

Karin sighed and nodded against his chest. “I’ll go grab them,” she handed him Ichigo’s cell, “call me if anything happens or if you think of anything he might also need.” Zangetsu nodded and watched her leave quietly, soon hearing her car rumble to life outside. The twins were 18 now, practically living on their own with their jobs. Yuzu a professional chief and Karin a football star.

Their little sisters have grown up, no longer the 13 year olds begging Ichigo to stay home instead fight in a war.

Ichigo whimpered in his sleep, tossing and turning drenched in sweat. Again.

Zangetsu sighed and headed to the bathroom across the hall for the basin Karin had ready and a wash cloth. He returned and sat in the desk chair, gently wringing out the cloth and dabbing sweat droplets off his King’s forehead.

He froze in fear when a shearing pain shot through his body in waves.

Ichigo had blood running from his nose...

Zangetsu slipped into sonido downstairs to the clinic where Isshin was, banging the door on the wall. “He’s bleeding from his nose!” Isshin jumped in his seat. Eyes widening then bolted to his sons room.

Bursting in, Isshin saw Ichigo was starting to seize. There wasn’t much he could do to help without causing injury, so he ran down and grabbed a shot to help him out of it.

Zangetsu wavered where he was standing, using the doorframe for support. He held his head through a dizzy spell, faintly hearing Karin run upstairs and begin fussing over him. Zangetsu screamed then collapsed, his form slowly turning to black reishi to return to his wielder.

Karin yelled for her father when her other brother (because he was, even though Zangetsu was just a part of Ichigo’s soul, they had become close after the wars ended and Ichigo let his zanpaktou manifest) collapsed and started turning to mist. Her cry fell on deaf ears though, Isshin was on his cell frantically calling for a ambulance.

Glancing to her brothers bed took her breath away like she’d been punched.

One minute he was moving then went limp, chest not heaving like it had been.

 _His chest wasn’t moving_...

Isshin was using CPR to try and bring her brother back...

What was-?

The EMTs pushed past her, stepping where Zangetsu had faded but a moment ago, and began assisting Isshin with Ichigo. She barely felt her legs buckle underneath her. Barely felt the pain from impacting the hardwood floors. Tears fell in rivers down her pale cheeks.

Ichi-nii couldn’t die. Her brother she loved so much can’t die!

-

_Ichigo felt like he was floating on the fluffiest cloud in the sky. Bright blue overhead, green trees full and bright under his perch. No pain for once._

_That was nice._

_But...where was he?_

_Had he...? Is this where he was going?_

_Heaven instead of Soul Society?_

_He has a full soul now, surly he’d be a Shinigami once he died._

_Right?_

_....right?_

-

  
Zangetsu and Ossan floated on rising waters.

Their wielders inner world bathed in red with grey clouds rolling overhead. Stray thunder and lightening every now and then.

Ichigo was in agony. The sky had only turned red once since Ichigo had been born and that was when he almost died along side his mother.

  
-

Karin waited with Inoue and Chad out in the hall where Ichigo’s room was.

The paramedics had got Ichigo stable enough to move, now they sat waiting.

They said surgery was possible but not likely to remove the tumor. She didn’t know he found out anything... the news he had one was shocking. Inoue had gasped and bursted into tears. Chad, always the quiet fellow had actually cursed loudly at the news. She knew how much he cares about her brother. Two peas in a pod, they would say.

Yuzu... _gods_ , she was away right now at the restaurant in Tokyo. She has no idea what’s been going on.

What about Rukia and Renji? Do they know? She hasn’t seen them in a few months.

Isshin walked up to her and sat heavily in the uncomfortable plastic chair. “He’s, um, d-doing better now.” She never heard Isshin stutter his words. “Doc says he got most the tumor but the rest is too deep. It would...it would damage his memory if they dug for more.” He took a deep ragged breath, scrubbing his face with both hands, a sob broke free when he felt Karins hand on his shoulder.

She wasn’t fairing much better herself, tears pouring from red rimmed, bloodshot eyes. They just sat and hugged each other as tight as they could. Inoue and Chad holding hands beside the pair.

First his wife now his dearest son?

-

Ichigo groaned, the pain was back. Dammit. He just wanted a day with no aches, pains or whatever else he usually dealt with on the daily.

He noticed after his mini rant, that he wasn’t at his apartment or his family’s house. The room was too bright and white. Smelt too clean. Felt like death despite the healing undertone.

Hospital.

Great...

A hand gently rested on his, bringing his attention back at hand. Slowly opening crusted eyes, he glanced to his left.

She was a small little thing. Black hair like a cool night with the most mesmerizing eyes he’s seen. Bright violet with hints of dark blue.

He knew she said something, he could see her lips move, but he couldn’t make out the words. Frustrating...

He squeezed her hand back. Whoever she was, he must know her for the nurses to let her in.

 ** _“Sleep, King.”_ **Was the last thing he heard before slipping under once more.

  
-

Rukia had tears running. Did he not recognize her? That hit like a brick in her guts. Her best friend not knowing her; showing confusion once his dazed eyes landed on her, hurt worse than any wound she’d ever been dealt.

She choked back a sob and wiped away her tears on her long sleeved dress. “H-he must be out of it. A-after the, ya know..” she half heartedly smiled at her brother standing by the door. They both demanded time from Shinigami duty-noble duty- and headed to living world once news of Ichigo made its way to them.

They said the brain surgery went alright, all things considered. Most of the tumor was gone. That was good right? So why did it feel like the world was ending? Leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

Her brother motioned for her to follow him out the door, leaving it open just enough to peak in or hear if Ichigo woke up again. “Rukia, talking with Isshin-san, Ichigo might of lost some of his memories, due to the placing of the tumor, he could regain them in time or simply never remember at all,” He squeezed her shoulders, “do not give up hope though. Kurosaki-san is a strong young man, a excellent Shinigami and a good friend. Believe he will pull through this.” Byakuya pulled Rukia to his chest once she nodded, he held her close until she quieted her sobs and dried up her tears the best she could.

“Th-thank you, Nii-sama.”

-

The second time Ichigo opened his eyes, he wasn’t in the hospital but a sideways city.

His inner world. How could he forget? Though the time he spent here was foggy, like it was behind sheer curtains; in reach but not really.

A white figure landed to his right.

“Zan..getsu. Zangetsu!” Ichigo made to run to his hollow but found his legs stiff and aching. He took a step and crumbled like a stack of cards, strong cold arms holding most his weight.

“Hey, King. Gave us a scare.” He joked, but his heart wasn’t in it. Zangetsu could feel his wielders pain and fatigue. Also the small mass still in his head. It pulsed like a heartbeat, sending pins and needles down his spine.

Ichigo closed his eyes, resting his head on a pale shoulder. “Yeah. This short lady was there when I woke up the first time. Do I know her?” He felt Zangetsu stiffen under him, when had they laid down?

“You don’t remember her?”

Ichigo shook his head no. “Should I? She felt important. Like... maybe a sister? Friend? Maybe lover? Oh gods, she isn’t my girlfriend, is she?” Zangetsu chuckled, finding that amusing. Also worrying.

“No, she’s a close friend. Kuchiki Rukia, lieutenant of the 13th division of the Gotei 13. Unseated Shinigami stationed here way back when, the beginning of the most powerful Shinigami I’ve ever met..” and so Zangetsu retold the tale of the death and the strawberry. A rocky start, but a beautiful friendship in the end.

-

  
Karin sat and watched Ichigo breathe. The heart monitor beeping steadily.

He hadn’t woken up today, the nurses said. Healing the brain took time. Inoue couldn’t reject this. She had tried and tried. In the end everyone just told her it was okay. He’d pull through.

_Will he though?_

They might of gotten most of it, but it could grow back again.

She watched the way his eyes moved under his pale lids, frantically searching for something hidden to her. She glanced down at her phone when she felt it vibrate-she turned the sound off so Ichigo would rest peacefully- it was Yuzu. 

1:07AM-How’s Ichi-nii?

She looked up, checking for anything then back down to type.

1:10AM-Sleeping still. Doc says it’s just him healing.

She didn’t believe him though.

1:12AM-Keep me posted k? Luv u.

1:12AM-Love u 2.

She locked her phone, laying it on the nearby table and leaned back in the recliner they brought in for her.

With the season ending, she had free time before training hit up again. She wasn’t leaving Ichigo’s side.

-

“...not about that! They literally can’t remove any more without causing irreversible damage!”

A scoff, “They obviously don’t know what they are doing here.”

He groaned at the yelling outside his room. What a way to wake up.

“Hey.”

Ichigo turned his head to the chair everyone sat in when visiting him. He’d been here for three months. Nothing had changed in his health and the tumor was growing back. He’d been ready to give up if his family hadn’t started yelling and demanding he couldn’t.

Uryū was leaning forward on his knees, clad in the finest button down and dark jeans.

His cousin looked handsome, Ichigo half wondered why he hadn’t found someone yet.

“Hey yourself.” His voice was horse from underuse. He didn’t talk much anymore unless it was to Zangetsu and Ossan. Or Rukia, when she could visit.

“What are they arguing about now?” He turned his head straight ahead again. The tv was playing some anime he liked but couldn’t focus on long enough to enjoy.

“Ryuken says this hospital is staffed with incompetent nurses and doctors who don’t know their jobs, yada yada.”

Ichigo hummed and closed his eyes, Zangetsu sending waves of comforting reiastu over his exhausted body.

Uryū noticed the way Ichigo’s skin lightened before turning back to his tanish skin tone again.

“It’s Zangetsus way of helping with the pain. Our hierro is stronger then it use to be and it helps block pain, muting it sort of.” He explained once he felt eyes on him long enough to bother.

“Ah.” Uryū pushed his his glasses up when the door opened. “Kuchiki-san.”

Ichigo fought the wave of fatigue to look over once he heard his cousin greet the new comer. Rukia looked beautiful every time he saw her it seemed. Today she wore a dark blue dress with white flowers piled on the hem with pinks and purples among them. It fit her perfectly he wondered if Uryū had made it for her.

“Rukia..”

Rukia smiled and came over to kiss his cheek before sitting down in the vacant chair to his right.

“Hey you. Busy out in the halls, almost need a number to get in.” She chuckled at the small smile forming on his lips.

“Yeah, everyone is worried. Dunno why. I know where I’m heading once I’m outta here.” He said it so nonchalant. But truth was he most likely wouldn’t be leaving here alive. It was getting to the point that the meds he’d been put on weren’t helping and his body is slowly shutting down. She’d never heard of anything like this happening.

She bit her lip through tears that threaten to fall.

“Don’t cry Rukia. I get to be along side everyone, fight again, spar with everyone, go drinking with Ikakku and Renji... it ain’t the end.”

She looked over at Uryū, she noticed his hands clenched together so tight his knuckles were white, face impassive.

“Your right. No more tears from me. Now, we just gotta figure out which squad is the best!” She smiled the best she could despite the pain of knowing her best friends human life was near its end.

“Oh you know it’s gonna be the 11th! Those guys could use a kick in the ass!” Rukia laughed with him, Uryū silently watching them joke and banter like old times.

-

Ichigo died a week later. On his birthday.

-

Gasping awake on dusty ground, Ichigo for once in his 24 years of living, woke with no pain shooting through his body. No migraine setting in from the light. Nothing.

He smiled.

Finally he was free.

-

  
“Kurosaki Ichigo, from this day on you shall be appointed to the fifth division as acting lieutenant under Hirako Shinji Taichō.” Kyoraku announced to the captains and lieutenants lining the walls of the meeting room. He smiled from his spot as Soutaicho. “Welcome to the Gotei 13, Ichigo.”

Renji cheered and bounced over to wrap Ichigo in a hug, Rukia already there from using Shunpo. Cheater...

“Congratulation!” They both kissed his cheeks, causing him to blush.

“Geez enough lovey dovey shit!” Ichigo laughed at their pouts, pulling them closer.

“Finally did it, Ichi-berry. Better not slack off like someone’s lacky *cough* Shiro-chan *cough*. I must be coming down with sumthin!” Ichigo rolled his eyes at Shinji. Toushiro fumed silently on the way out.

“‘Course not! I did well in school, ya know?”

Shinji crossed his arms, “So?”

Ichigo flicked his captains forehead. “So, it means I know how to do paperwork and I’m not a slacker when it comes to work.”

“Tch. Just make sure yer cleaning the desk after yer little love fest!” Shinji shunpoed out of there fast as he could before Ichigo grabbed him to wring his neck.

“Seriously?!” He didn’t think his cheeks could go redder.

  
-

Ichigo stood on that accursed hill where he almost lost his best friend all those years ago.

wind blowing through his shoulder length hair, his captains cloak trailing behind him in the gentle breeze. Zangetsu stood beside him (like always) arms crossed head tilted up with closed eyes to bask in the warm summer sun

He forgot how much of a lizard they really were.

**”Heard that.”**

”I know.” Ichigo smiled in his direction.

Zangetsu tsked and dissolved back into their inner world when two sets of sandals landed.

”There you are! You know how long we’ve been lookin’ for yer sorry ass?!” Renjis rant was cut short thanks to Rukia elbowing him in the ribs.

She bounced up to Ichigo wrapping her arms around his neck when he leaned down, gently sharing a kiss.

”We missed you at lunch in the manor. Everything alright?” Rukia asked once the kiss broke. Renji right beside them with arms in his sleeves.

”Yeah.” Ichigo released his short lover, looking out over Seireitei. “Couldn’t be more perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments welcomed but not forced lol kudos are appreciated! :3


End file.
